Monday, July 16, 2012

Are You a Gear Head?

Beware of friends, returning from the backwoods of West Virginia, bearing mason jars filled with a clear liquid smelling reminiscent of lighter fluid and possessing the smooth throat pleasing drinkability of crushed glass with an iodine chaser. Hence is the reason, I am currently attempting to write something witty, while lying in bed sporting a hat fashioned from a bag of frozen peas.

It is my desperate hope that soon the Tylenol, Excedrin and Ibuprofen, I have choked down, will finally kick in, allowing me to eat some soda crackers and drink a cup of ginger ale. Well despite now having to pay for my excess, I suppose it is the SUMMER season, a time to celebrate the warm weather with an ample helping of over indulgence!

Speaking of extravagance . . . why is there something strangely arousing and perhaps a tad bit exotic about wearing camouflage long underwear, despite the fact that it was $20 more than the solid prints and has zero percent chance of ever being seen by a woodland creature? Yes, I am well aware I just called camouflage long underwear arousing and erotic . . . lay off and work with me will ya!

Be careful my friends, for it is exactly these types of over indulgences that will quickly get you categorized as a “gear head”.

Other violations include: 
  • Having more money invested in smart wool socks then in your kid’s college savings plan. 
  • Owning “snow camo”. 
  • Having more than 10 pair of “sporting” boots. 
  • Having 6 rain suits all in different colors and camouflage patterns. 
  •  Always struggling to decide what rifle to bring to deer camp because you have half a dozen in your closet that would make an acceptable choice. 
  • Having 20 or more ice tip ups (Don’t judge me! I have 5 rigged for salmon, 5 for pike, 5 for perch and 5 spares!) 
  • Having everyone in your family equipped with at least one ThermaCELL
  • Turkey hunting with three or more decoys. 
  • Duck hunting with three or more dozen decoys. 
  • Having enough ammo in your house that if there were ever a fire it would be necessary to evacuate an area encompassing 5 city blocks. 
  • Having your basement and garage FILLED with hunting and fishing equipment while the Christmas decorations, kids toys and the wife's off season wardrobe are in garbage bags under the deck. Shhh, she will NEVER know. 
I know there are a ton of gear heads out there just like me so please drop a comment owning up to your latest, greatest “gear” indulgence!

13 comments:

  1. Christmas decorations in garbage bags under the deck? Brilliant! Thanks for the tip!

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    1. Glad I could be of service! Thanks for commenting!

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  2. When you can look through the entire Cabela's or Bass Pro catalog and find not one thing that you do not have or need, you might be a gear head!

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    1. Excellent point! Typically when I look through those catalogs I am thinking about either upgrading optics OR buying ammo! Everything else I already have! LOL! Time is growing near for your impending Maine trip!!

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  3. Motorized decoys - especially for predator hunters- more than one grunt tube, more than 3 shotguns, a pistol or knife worn on a belt for any occasion like opening gates, dumping hot grease out if the cabin door or visiting the friendliest pee-tree, Bowhunting and bowhunters in general....there's probably more!!!! Well done!

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    1. Ian, LOL! Thanks for adding to the list! No matter what I am doing, when I am at deer camp the 8 inch buck knife and the .357 are always both strapped to my hip. Why? Because I can.

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  4. Geez man, I've supplied half your list for you and I still can attest that I far exceed your basic criteria... Everyone should own at least 120 Carry-Lite Eider decoys like me...

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    1. DM, LOL! Well played my friend. This friendly bantering will sure come in handy on our new TV show . . . wink, wink. :) Chat ya soon!

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  5. Why is there no photo to accompany this blog post? A picture of you in the camo long underwear and frozen peas hat would effectively serve as a cautionary illustration.

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    1. LMAO! Yes, that will arrive on the blog about the same time as me in a sports bra showing off my nipples. :)

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  6. I have girls weekend out coming up. The only things I needed are single-use items like shotgun shells and clays. I have everything else. It was kind of depressing to realize yesterday that I didn't get to buy something new.

    I did buy something last week. I bought a raincoat because it's camo. And it has a seat that snaps up the back until you need it. I can sit on the ground and not get my backside wet. And...it's pretty.

    My Steve has fluorescent orange long underwear. It's decidedly not sexy.

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    1. I understand completely . . . my packing rarely involves needing to purchase any additional items. I need to take up a new hobby . . .

      At least you have your priorities straight . . . camo . . . dry backside . . . pretty.

      Florescent orange long underwear . . . that is hilarious! Just as bad a camo! Well, at least if he is ever lost in the woods, he can simply strip down to his underwear and attempt to signal passing aircraft!!

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  7. Hi Steve :
    Re : your hangover. My wife's & my policy is to never again drink any beverage that makes us feel unwell. We make our own wine, from fruit, and also Cantina wine kits, ( 5 days, and very easy ) Have a 60 liter stainless reflux still, producing 91% ethanol, very clean, legal, here in New Zealand.
    Cheers,
    Dennis

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