Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Woodsman's Pal

The Woodsman’s Pal is more than just the outdoorsman’s best friend; it is also perhaps the most versatile tool a man could even dream of owning. Instantly upgrade your “Man Factor” by getting a Woodsman’s Pal. Nothing gets the testosterone pumping quite like a man ready to unleash rampant destruction at a moments notice. Astonish friends, frighten the neighbors and impress the old lady with 16.5 inches of cold, hard, steel dangling haphazardly from your tool belt.

Be amazed as the Woodsman Pal chops effortlessly through 4 inches of rock solid hardwood! 

While this elegant tool is designed for the uncharted wilds, I wonder how it will fare in a test under the rigors of suburbia. Oh sure, any man could wander into the wilderness, equipped only with his Woodsman’s Pal and emerge weeks later clean shaven, well fed and dressed in animal skins but how well does the Woodsman’s Pal thrive in the battlefield of America’s backyards, patios, garages and kitchens? Would it not be the ultimate test of this stylish “man tool”, were it subjected to the trials and tribulations of the urban jungle?

To better explore this “challenge”, I have devised a series of tests designed to push the woodsman’s pal to its breaking point and determine if this is truly the right tool for the job. Man law eloquently states that there be no more divine trinity than bacon, beer and boobies . . . BUT since this is a PG rated show, we are going to eliminate boobies. Given my devout and undying respect for the man trinity, the Woodsman’s Pal will be subjected to two tests of its functionality, based on these, the most holy of holy.

Test one BACON: Ummm, nothing is quite more intoxicating than the smell of bacon cooked over the open flame. Unfortunately, you already demolished the old ladies frying pans and the gas grill looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since the birth of Jesus. Fear not, for your need for fried pork belly will not go unanswered for, on this day, you have your Woodsman’s Pal.

Challenge one PASSED! 

Test two BEER: Hanging out around the fire and find you have misplaced your bottle opener? Have no fear; the Woodsman’s Pal comes fully equipped with a bottle opener.

Challenge two PASSED! 

Slash more than prices this holiday season, slice, split and cut away to your hearts content and remember, whether your trimming St. Nicks beard, carving the holiday season Turduckin, hacking down O’Tannenbaum, flipping reindeer burgers, cutting wrapping paper or even popping the top off a bottle Christmas ale the best tool for the job will always be the Woodsman’s Pal!

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