Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dear L.L. Bean Where is Your Shame?


Wrong on SO Many Levels
Dear L.L. Bean,

I received, in the mail today, your “L.L. Bean Signature” catalog. While I appreciate your willingness to provide me with combustibles for my fireplace, in this particular instance, I really must implore you to NEVER EVER send me another one of these catalogs!

Poor Leon is no doubt rolling around in his grave, knowing you are actually attempting to dress outdoorsmen (or any man for that matter) in pants with little duckies on them and wool sweaters with what appears to be two polar bears having a tickle fight. I can guarantee you that if anyone ever shows up at deer camp wearing 95% of the clothing depicted in this catalog, they will be shot on sight.

Polar Bears? Really?
Now while some among your staff will likely think my comments harsh, I know there still exists somewhere in the deep dark recesses of your titanic corporation, a few remaining sporting aficionados, who are without a doubt reading this and thinking, “HA this guy has got a good point!” My suggestion to you Mistah is to find these last remaining individuals and promote them to the top of your company! Oh sure, you will likely loose millions in revenue as all of the American Eagle, Abercrombie Fitch, Banana Republic and Gap loving yuppies scream foul but at least you will save yourself from this embarrassment and make me and the few remaining Maine sporting traditionalists VERY happy.

Your Friend,

The Rabid Outdoorsman

P.S. A few weeks back, I was in your store and noted that the last time you pictured someone with a firearm in their hands in an actual hunting depiction, in your store display of wall mounted magazine covers, was the Fall of 1990 . . . what is all that about?

Are those Actually Hunters under that Tree?
For more on L.L. Beans fall from grace see: LLBean Vs Cabelas and Unsent.
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IMPORTANT POST UPDATE:
1. StatCounter tells me that someone from L.L. Bean actually read this post and is certain to be reporting my indiscretions to corporate headquarters. It is likely they offer me a job as their new marketing director after they fire the guy who came up with the idea of the "signature series". In actuality, they are probably plotting to send me the sweater and pants for CHRISTMAS! If you do kind sirs there will be hell to pay!!!

2. If anyone out there in cyber space (who dares call themselves an outdoorsman!) sends me a photograph of themselves wearing either of the two items pictured in this post, I will personally write LL Bean an apology letter AND the brave soul who sends me the photo will receive a free bottle of Code Blue Doe in Estrous Urine. Yes, peeve me off and I will be happy to peeve you off!

35 comments:

  1. Yeah. .. why is it so hard to find a good, ruggid looking sweater? A good wool one is my favorite winter wear, but between lacy collars and sleeves and the decor such as your aforementioned tickle-fighting polar bears, sweaters are simply ridiculously designed. I do wear a borderline Christmasy one sometimes, but it came straight from Ireland and retains an odd barn-like sheep odor that neutralizes the yuppyiness of the design.
    Btw , I enjoyed the post.

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  2. Had a little riff with the great LL Bean just this past week. I called them to get info on where to ship my Bean boots for a retred job. They looked at my account and asked when I had ordered the boots. I told them 22 years ago and the little lady just laughed. Her suggestion to me was to simply order a new pair. I admit they look a little worn, but they are not beyond repair! Doesn't everyone keep a pair of boots for 22 years???

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  3. MW, I thought Yuppies smelled like barn-yard sheep? Oh wait, that's Hippies not Yuppies . . . I get them so confused.

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  4. Trey, Put your boots in a box and send to L.L.Bean Returns, 3 Campus Dr., Freeport, ME 04034 with a note that simply states: "These boots did not provide me with a lifetime of satisfaction. Please send me new boots." Then simply wait 7-10 business days and your new boots will arrive FREE of charge.

    If this process makes you feel uncomfortable, mail your boots to me and I will return and send you a check . . . of course I will be keeping my standard 50% return fee. :)

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  5. Readers . . . a little update on this post.

    1. StatCounter tells me that someone from L.L. Bean actually read this post and is likely reporting my indiscretions to corporate headquarters. It is likely that they may offer me a job as their new marking director after they fire the guy who came up with the idea of the "signature series".

    2. If anyone out there in cyber space (who dares call themselves a sportsman) sends me a photograph of themselves wearing either of the two items pictured in this post, I will personally write LL Bean an apology letter AND the brave soul who send me the photo will receive a free bottle of Code Blue Doe in Estrous Urine.

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  6. But those little ducks on the pants would look so chic while I'm out duck hunting. I would rock the polar bear tickle fight shirt to an ugly sweater party! No really glad you posted this! The abercrombie and fitch thing really threw me for a loop!

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  7. I started getting L.L. Bean magazines in the mail a few months ago and I must agree with the above post.I know you fellas do things differently in Yankee land but "The Bean" is giving you all a bad rep.
    PS. Rabid,Your extra tight "tickle fight" sweater is on its way,free of charge my friend.ENJOY!

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  8. This is what happens when you let women get their hands on the masculinity of a traditional outdoor clothing powerhouse like L.L. Bean... I see your blog turning this direction...

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  9. Another very funny observation... I am surprised that the photographer didn't have Skippy put on a bandolier with chapstick instead of high brass...

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  10. Reel, If Tug really does send me that sweater you may just get your chance to rock it at an ugly sweater party! LOL!

    Yes, A and F were a huge sporting conglomerate selling hunting and fishing gear . . . that is until they turned to the dark side. Just ask poor old Roger Willoughby (Rock Hudson) from the classic "Man's Favorite Sport". BTW if you haven't seen that movie Netflix it!

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  11. TBD, I know, I know I often shake my head when I see Bean's latest and greatest indiscretions. Perhaps with time they may reform but it is a difficult road to travel with the money in the pockets of the yuppies run deep.

    You send the sweater and I promise to rock it . . . well that is at least until I repackage it and send it to REEL!! Apparently where she is from they have things called "ugly sweater parties" . . . I don't know, sounds kinda kinky to me. You just never know about those ladies from Oklahoma.

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  12. DDH, You question the masculinity of my website! I can see you leave me little choice but to dedicate a series of soon to be posts to the testosterone laden powerhouse that is the Maine outdoorsman!

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  13. PRPark, Or perhaps lipstick and lifesaver rolls?!?!

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  14. I guess it would be UN-PC of me to say that some of their male models look a little limp-wristed.

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  15. I love rants like this !

    Actually, that sort of clothing, that you showed above, reminds me of the so called gentleman hunters that visit Finland at fall time, to "hunt" ducks and other flying game released from cages in fields. Sad and pathetic, so classy and so sohisticated upper class that it makes me puke. I bet that the pants above are supposed to be worn actually with knee high socks pulled over them and you have to wear a 400 buck tincloth cap as well.

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  16. They have no shame Rabid. They are just following the money. And that cash lies in the bottom of the shoulder bags hanging around the necks of those the big city "girly" men.

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  17. LL Bean is still around? Huh!

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  18. George S.

    To make you observation PC you simply have to add "not that there is anything wrong with that" to the end of your comment. :)

    Thanks for joining the conversation you heathen!

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  19. Perkunas, Glad that you enjoyed my little spitefest!

    Was watching a tour of Finland on the travel channel last evening . . . think I need me some of that fire roasted squeaky cheese and Finish crayfish. Didn't realize you were the worlds largest exporter of the little lobsters!

    Take care and thanks for stopping by!

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  20. PBM, I feel they have lost their direction as it relates to hunting and fishing. While it would be nice to blame it on following the money, I sometimes wonder if it is something deeper?!? I mean look at Cabela's they appear to be doing fine and their focus is PURELY on hunting and fishing. I suppose it would be against the law to pistol whip the LL Bean marketing team?

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  21. Ian, I often wonder how they are managed after Cabela's came to town. It may be reflected in their move to market more to the Yuppies than Sportsmen.

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  22. DowneastDuckhunter, I'm a woman. I wouldn't put that sweater on a poodle let alone a man. If they'd let me choose their clothing they sure as hell wouldn't be made in China and have designs meant for newborns.

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  23. LOL RO...Good post, thanks for the laugh! The men I know wouldn't be caught with little animals on their clothes.

    ...and watch it on the Oklahoma women comments! lol

    (((HUGS))) :)

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  24. Robin, Thanks for commenting! FYI, Any person who publicly flogs the Downeast Duck Hunter and calls him to the mat on any of his verbal indiscretions is someone I am proud to call friend.

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  25. Cowgirl, I agree that men should not have little animals on their clothes at anytime! It should be part of the standard "MAN CODE"! So let it be written so let it be done!

    WOOPS! Sorry! Will watch my tongue next time! ;)

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  26. I have to agree with your observation about "Beans". A lot of the "stuff" they pedal is kind of non-hetero.

    Brian

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  27. Anon Brain . . . Not that there is anything wrong with that.

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  28. So this is the third time I have read tickle fight comment and still cracking up!

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  29. Glad you enjoyed and keep on enjoying bro! It is apparent that genetics have granted us both the same "unique" disposition toward off color humor!

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  30. Thanks for your comments on LL Bean. I remember when they sold a more primitive line, for the full time outdoorsman, and not just the wannabees. Eddie Bauer was the same way. I gave up on them long ago. Merry Christmas! I enjoy your blog!

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  31. Mr. Gus, Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Always nice to see a new face. I like your primitive idea. I can see it now: " 2013 LL Bean introduces the new primitive hunting line of clothing, designed for the total outdoorsman!" Happy holidays to you as well! Glad you enjoy!

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  32. OMG I am cracking up, this post is spot on!

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    Replies
    1. LOL! Great, glad that I could make you laugh! :)

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  33. Your post inspired me to write another about what L.L. Bean would have to do, exactly, to get its act together.

    I even quoted you: http://eckertbrandremarkable.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/has-l-l-bean-become-cabelas-lite/

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    Replies
    1. Joshua,

      Glad I could be "inspiring"! LOL! That might be the first time anyone has described me that way! Your LL Bean post is a great read and well structured, nothing like the babble I usually spew forth on the unsuspecting public. HA!

      Thanks for commenting!

      TC!

      Steve

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