Monday, December 17, 2012

Your "REAL" LL Bean Boyfriend

After recently reading the latest VIRAL Internet sensation: Your LL Bean Boyfriend, I began to ponder the specific qualities that women are looking for in a man? The site boasts the tag line: “Your LL Bean boyfriend BUILDS A TABLE and then has SEX with you on it". According to this bold statement, there seems to apparently be a connection between a man’s understanding of woodcrafting and his sexual prowess. I assume in all actuality, one could combine these two qualities into one simple statement and just say that women are looking for a man “good with wood” or a man who is perhaps a master "wood" worker.

Well, ladies I hate to be the one to break it to you but those damn posers in the LL Bean catalogue are pure fantasy. Much like what I am going to assume most of the Victoria Secret models look like minus the make-up and air brushing . . . throw those guys out of a photo shoot and into the unforgiving Maine woods and I give them all about 20 minutes before they start crying for their mommies. I laugh, when I think of poor LL Bean model Silas, sitting in a tree stand wearing his pants with little duckies on them or fancy sweater depicting a polar bear tickle fight, screaming like a little girl when a big black bear walks into his bait site.

I can guarantee that if any of those guys from the LL Bean catalog, “Signature” edition, showed up at deer camp they would be flogged and likely made into someone’s camp bitch. Yes, I agree that statement was perhaps a tad bit harsh but real men, who make tables and have sex with their women on them, are made of harsher, sterner stuff and not what is depicted in the LL Bean catalogue.

To perhaps provide a bit of comic relief, mockery and shameful comment related to Your LL Bean Boyfriend, I offer this reminder to all you women out there that depicted in the pictures below, are what REAL Maine men look and act like. We may not all be handsome, well groomed, recently bathed or dressed in the latest fashions and styles but our women most definitely find us handy in the workshop as well as the bedroom.

"Listen heah Deah, using a few feathers is sexy, only when 
using the whole bird does it become perverted", said Steve.

"Honey. I thought this is what you meant when you said
 you wanted to try two guns at the same time", said Tony.

"Hi Hotstuff, I finally reached the top of Katahdin and wanted
 to txt you this photo to express my love", said Steve.

Baby, did you want your steak well 
done or medium rare?, said Steve

"Darlin' understand that when a man tells you to pull his finger, 
it is impossible to resist. Sorry about the smell sweetheart", said Steve.

"Hun, I know your hard nipples turn me on 
. . . do my hard nipples turn you on?", said Tony.

"Do I make you horny 
baby, well do I?", said Tony.

33 comments:

  1. This is hilarious! Thanks for the comic relief.

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    1. No worries, glad I could make you smile! Thanks for commenting! :)

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  2. One of the funniest posts that I have read in a long time. Thank you for bringing back the "polar bear tickle fight"

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    1. Polar bear tickle fight is a CLASSIC! It never gets old! LOL!

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  3. OMG. Those pictures are hilarious. Do I sense a little bit of jealousy over the LL Bean boyfriends that some of your favorite outdoors women have laid claim to?

    We would much rather have a "real" man. Since often times we are very "real" ourselves. Caribou camp for a week with no shower certainly doesn't leave me looking like Victoria's Secret model. And we certainly don't believe that any of those LL Bean dudes are "real" men who would last more than 15 minutes in the woods with us.

    BUT they sure as heck aren't bad to look at, so let us ogle. It's only fair.

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    1. Perhaps just a tiny, tiny bit jealous. :) LOL!

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  4. I'll take a real man any day, who can appreciate a real woman... And I can do up a mean rare steak, followed by a well deserved beer, fart and burb and laugh with the best of them... How's that for a Victoria Secret image. :) Pfft, forget Victoria, she would be crying along with the LL Bean Boyfriend.

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    1. HA! Victoria's secret is that she isn't all that outdoorsy. LOL!

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  5. You just like the fact that I TOTALLY abused TONY! LMAO!

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  6. I hope you enjoy hell, our friendship as fragile as it was- now is severed...

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    1. You know you love it! Stop pretending like you don't you damn drama queen! :) Can't wait for ice fishing season! PIKE TOURNEY!!!!!!

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  7. This was a great read and funny, too! LMAO! And so damn true.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed and had a good laugh! Thanks for commenting!

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  8. I think you would look quite fabulous in that polar bear tickle fight sweater.
    Honestly though, I've been dumped for being "too manly" before, and being even more honest I'm still a girl, and I like to shoot deer but not gut them. I need a manly man to gut my deer. My husband and i have compromised. What I shoot he cleans and I cook, what he shoots he cleans and I cook.
    Plus do any of these women making LL Bean boyfriends even know what REAL chili is? Not organic tofu vegan chili?

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    1. No thanks! LOL! Though I would like a pair of those pants with the little duckies on them.

      Just because you have to shave your chest, doesn't make you too "manly" in my opinion. :)

      I think LL Bean Boyfriends eat salad and drink bottled water. REAL LL Bean Boyfriends NEVER eat salads and the only thing we drink bottled is beah. :)

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  9. HAH! I had to laugh out loud at this one! What a GREAT post Steve. I have similar pics of my "Real LL Bean Outdoorsman" and his friends as well. You all are the best!!!

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    1. Thanks! Glad you appreciated my slightly twisted sense of humor! :) I have so many pictures of my friends and I being "manly" and "outdoorsy" I may have to have a REAL LL Bean Boyfriend - Part II! LOL!

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  10. Thanks for the laugh today!

    Btw - I am going to have to agree with you. I'm pretty sure they would scream like little girls if they had a bear encounter in the woods, and then we would find out if a LL Bean poser also shits in the woods.

    I'm now trying to get some of the images above out of my head.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed!

      I had a friend of a friend who is kinda a city boy and he was hiking and freaked out because he saw a wild turkey. As he was telling the story, I had all I could do to hold it together.

      HA! Quick hit the cranial delete key . . . its the one labeled whiskey! LOL!

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  11. Oh-oh, LL Bean Boyfriend needs to read a few of the New Testament, New covenant teachings. Maybe 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19 ?

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    1. Drunken orgies, sexual immorality, sins of the flesh . . . yes all those things are bad . . . very, very bad.

      Note to self . . . go to church more . . . sin less.

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  12. I mean the original, internet boyfriend, not the “Real” ones. The “Real” ones I like…

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    1. Thanks for clarifying! I was sweating a bit there for a bit! LOL! :)

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  13. Replies
    1. Thanks CG! Always much appreciated when you stop by and comment! :)

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  14. Wow! This is great dude! Good stuff...

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    1. Send me a topless photo and I will make sure you are added to part 2. LMAO!

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  15. Thanks for the laugh, that was awesome,

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    1. Glad you enjoyed and thanks a ton for commenting!

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  16. Those pictures of Duckman are timeless!

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    1. You are correct Bro, somethings are untouched by the sands of time . . . and harassing the Duckman (AKA Mr. President, Coco and T'Duck) will always be one of those timeless things.

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    1. Thanks! Glad you enjoy the blog! Yeah, I am pretty sure a couple of those "LL Bean Signature" guys will be coming out of the closet, now that Maine is allowing marriage for homosexual partners (Not that there is anything wrong with that!).

      I have been to DC on a number of occasions and even made it out one night to one of those fancy "clubs" . . . some of those metrosexual DC guys I saw sipping mixed drinks through straws and continually requesting the DJ play "Its Raining Men" and "I Feel like a Woman", as they attempt to get in touch with their more "feminine" side, likely wouldn't last long in a bar in Maine. LOL!

      Take care and thanks for commenting!

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