String Theory (Part I)

On occasion, I receive perverse pleasure in writing extensive volumes about the mundane or ordinary. Perhaps better said, it's my way of making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. This dysfunction is well reflected in my previous postings Ode to the Pee Bottle I and Ode to the Pee Bottle II. While some could argue a pee bottle is a critical piece of hunting paraphernalia, in the end, it is ultimately just a bottle into which you squirt urine. It is most likely not worth two blog posts and the approximately four hours and 1200 words it ultimately took to create. Ultimately, you may begin to see the method behind my madness and the fun challenge in picking topics that stretch you as a writer, forcing you to work hard, to create an interesting piece of literature from basically nothing. A friend of mine once said, “you can't make chicken $%&t out of chicken salad” BUT what I later came to realize is if you try hard enough, you may be able to add enough antiseptic, spices and mayonnaise to the chicken $%&t to trick someone into taking a bite. Henceforth and thereto, is the long and involved explanation that leads to my latest blog postings. Hours of time were invested on this particular writing project; most of it while perched high in a pine tree during October and November patiently waiting for that record book buck that never materialized. During those long hours of thoughtful reflection, a literary idea was born that eventually came to be known as “string theory”.

Where I do My Best Writing

Every year, thousands of sportsmen pile into the Maine woods to pursue one of the most noble and cunning of game species, the White Tailed Deer. When all is said and done, another November will again all to quickly slip past, ending the season for the rifle toting crew. Some hunters will leave the woods elated, having harvested the deer of a lifetime, others will leave frustrated, having made critical errors in judgment resulting in accidents. For the accident prone crew, a majority of these desperate scenarios, could have been prevented with adequate preparation and knowledge.

Preparation starts at looking over all of your gear to find weaknesses; loose scope mounts, frayed climbing harnesses, rusty gun triggers, leaky pee bottles, etc. No item or article in your hunting arsenal should be beyond close examination. Knowledge comes in understanding that deer hunting isn't about chasing bucks; it's really all about the latest and greatest in hunting equipment. Fancy new high power rifles, space age camouflage, ergonomic backpacks, light weight portable tree stands, thermal rated boots and on and on. What is shocking, is despite the lofty price tags endured to obtain these items, sportsmen still remain slipshod in the strangest of areas. These indiscretions, range from wearing cotton socks in thermal boots, buying crappy ammo for thousand dollar guns and not using a tree stand safety harness. Of all these sporting sins, one stands out as barely above forgivable, as it serves to not only protect you from getting potentially shot but can also save your firearm from a damaging fall.

Yes, readers it is my belief, that an entire deer season can hinge on that most unlikely and unassuming of equipment the gear hauler. Now don't pretend like you have no idea what I am talking about. You know the drill, walk to your deer stand, tie unloaded rifle to string (gear hauler), climb tree and finally pull on string (gear hauler) to lift rifle into tree. It may at first appear to be a relatively trivial piece of hunting equipment, however, this is where many make a critical error.

Every hunting season, I am amazed by the number of sportsman toting around equipment oozing hundred dollar bills, like Grandaddies vintage Winchester or latest synthetic, Leupold laden firearm, yet have no concern about lifting these heirlooms and investments 20 feet into a tree stand, using a badly frayed gear hauler closely resembling dental floss. Sure your Great Grandfather used to spin tall tales of how he once had to cut the waist band out of his underwear to fashion a gear hauler but do you really want to spend a long day in the woods with a dented rifle and saggy drawers? Now is the time for you to take action and throw out that old dilapidated string you have been calling a “gear hauler” and enter the 21st century.

The story continues Friday (10/16/2010) . . .