A spokesman from the corporate offices of Duckpower, Inc. has confirmed rumors of a possible shutdown. It seems that many employees and one founding member of the company have become increasingly disgruntled at the leadership being displayed by the company’s President, Mr. Duckman. There have long been accusations of abuse from the highest office, but loyal followers of the company have been encouraged to sweep those thoughts under the rug for the sake of the business. The head of the Southern division was overheard saying that “the mental abuse and constant ridicule displayed by Mr. President towards his loyal employees were sure to bring an end to what some have said was a shaky union to begin with”.
It seems that the problems started with an unpaid corporate fishing sponsorship. Mr. President, who apparently agreed to sponsor and employee’s bass tournament failed to fulfill his sponsorship obligations because the sponsored team did not technically “win” the tournament. Our sources say that the bill was never paid and tensions started to run a little high in the Southern Division.
|I Am SOOOO Pretty!
It has been reported that on many occasions, Mr. President has abused his power, using it to his distinct advantage, in blatant attempts to elicit sexual favors from his constituents. As proof of his debauchery, this ½ naked photo of Mr. President clearly depicts him staring lovingly at the cameraman, poor Vice President Diesel, in a vain attempt to seduce him with his powerful animal magnetism. This was of course only the beginning of Mr. President’s sexually deviant behavior.
Now if this was the final extent of shame that Mr. President
had wrought upon Duck Power he could have perhaps, if subjecting himself to
therapy for his sexual addiction, been forgiven. Unfortunately, this is not the
final story of disgrace and shame upon which he has brought down on Duck Power. Note this additional photo that documents
his unwanted fondling of my shoulder. Sure it may seem innocent but trust me
this is a slippery slope ending in ruin and it is certainly not the first time that Mr. President has brought shame up us.
|Sometimes NO Means NO
Perhaps even worse than his sexual perversion is Mr. President’s shameful shooting skills. Far be it for me to write about such indiscretions but rather find it more appropriate to highlight it on video. Please if you dare, take a few minutes to see this disturbing footage (WARNING, it is riddled with vulgarity.)
In retrospect of these vile acts against humanity and his molestation of waterfowl, we the members of Duck Power Incorporated feel it best to simply end with an impeachment of Mr. President. Viva La Revolution!!